did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
