wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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