6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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