I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
