I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
