there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
