oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
