Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
