sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
time to smoke my breakfast
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
