I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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