Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize