why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
