"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
