i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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