She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
