She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
