You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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