Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
