LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
