I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
