u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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