Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
