please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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