Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
