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• (415): View more from California

  JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk

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• (253): View more from Washington

  If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...

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• (323): View more from California

  She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."

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• (914): View more from New York

  I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery

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