hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
