Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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