I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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