My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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