i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
