I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
