so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
