His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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