Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
one might say we're banned from that church
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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