He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
