Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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