I met the friendliest cop last night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
