so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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