You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
