If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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