sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
