Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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