i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
