So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
