my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
