There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
