ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
