i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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