When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
