I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
