I have demons in me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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